Back With Double the Fun...

I'm back. Back here to where life is mine...my thoughts, uncensored and exactly what I want to say. I don't worry about offending here or saying the wrong thing. It feels good.

My time away from this personal blog was needed. Abby's upcoming surgery was looming over my head and I had to let things go. I had to streamline and simplify. But now, Abby's surgery is complete and she came through it like a champ. That isn't to say we didn't have hard days. There were moments of tears and frustrations...but now it is behind us and I have been itching to get back to my blog here. My full-time school hasn't made it easy, I've been burning the candle at both ends to accomplish my degree and still be mom and wife. But I can't stay away any longer.

I really would think that with Abby, her heart condition, two open heart surgeries, numerous hospital stays, four other surgeries not heart related, and a back surgery in the future, I'd have learned the lesson to lean not on my own understanding. I certainly am no stranger to putting my faith in the Lord when he is the only one left to have faith in.

A couple weeks ago, I was startled when it seemed the Lord wanted me to learn more about trusting him and his ways. I am 35 and considered in the "advanced maternal age" for having another child. Something about my miscarriage earlier this year bothered me. It kept nagging at me, in the back of my mind. As if the Lord was letting me know I wasn't done having children...even though I wanted to be. My youngest two firecrackers keep me running and hopping and cleaning and refereeing and sighing and laughing...and this list goes on and on. So, with the nagging thought that something was missing and that our family was not quite complete, we decided we shouldn't wait longer.

Well, the end of September I was certain I was expecting another baby. My symptoms seemed to come on early. I was aware of not only of symptoms earlier than I remembered with past pregnancies but also a bit more forceful!! I also noticed an unusually fast weight gain. I didn't think much of it and was reminded of my "advanced maternal age" at my first appointment to confirm the pregnancy in October. My first appointment with my Dr. was not until mid-way in November, around 10 weeks.

At my appointment it was confirmed that I indeed was OLD. I indeed had gained more weight than they like in the first few weeks. And I indeed had high blood pressure. All signs of advanced age. I had not explanation. I certainly wasn't over-eating...although I was hungry...I mean ravishing hungry a lot...and yet I felt so sick that nothing sounded good to eat.

She begins the ultrasound. She looks around and I see a little baby with a heartbeat and am watching the ultrasound when she asks, "Do you want me to tell you what I'm seeing?" Ummm...what a weird question I thought! Of course I do. I'm assuming something is wrong at this point but I say "yes."

"You are having twins."

Awkward, unbelieving, overwhelming silence!!!! My chest begins to feel like someone is sitting on it. My mind immediately thinks of a million reasons WHY that can't be possible. Abby will have to move out of her room we just finished for her! We will have to buy a new car!! I have ALL my baby items away at the beginning of this year!!!

"Both babies look good with strong heartbeats. This is baby A, the lowest baby. And this is baby B" Wow!!!

Needless to say the rest of the appointment was nothing but question after question...will I have to go on bedrest? What kind of increased risks come with twins? Can I nurse twins? Will I have to have a c-section? My doctor was very patient, letting me ask and ask and helping me feel a little more comfortable.

I have always wanted twins. When I was younger I was going to have a little boy and a little girl. They were going to be perfect little angels with cute names that complemented but didn't match. Four kids later with a child with health concerns and two little boys that could probably make the Nanny run out of our house screaming...twins is not exactly something I would willingly take on. But life isn't always about willingly taking things on it. Sometimes, we have to know that the Lord gives us experiences for reasons beyond because we want them or because we will love them. He gives us experiences for our good, for our growth...and maybe possibly...for these two new little souls as well.

I am still overwhelmed. I worry about being up to the task. I worry about how my little momma's boy is going to react to not one but two babies. I worry about the financial implications of outfitting two babies. I worry about their health. I worry about miscarriage or losing just one. I worry about premature birth. I worry about my health. I worry about my blood pressure...which is really self-defeating!! I worry about getting a new car. I worry about how others will think of our huge family...although so far we have had nothing but supportive comments (at least when we are in their presence!!).

I am still sick as can be. Oh man...these symptoms are double the fun. Stronger gag reflex, stronger fatigue, stronger smell sensitivity, stronger yuckiness.

But, I am coming around. I am learning that God's ways are not my ways and that I can trust in him. I am learning that although they say God will never give us trials we can't handle, I believe He does give us trials we can't handle, so that we have to rely on Him. Just as I turned to Him when Abby was given to us with critical conditions that threatened her very life...I have turned to Him with this new trial, hoping He can walk me through this just as He did with Abby.

And I am realizing that we are blessed. Here's to two more...making us 8!!

Please Visit

This is pretty funny...and how I feel a lot these days!!! I know my personal blog has really been "quiet" lately. Right now I can't keep up all I am doing so I haven't been doing too much on here. If any readers are left...I hope you'll pop on over to my other blog or my facebook to keep tabs on us:

My blog is Perfect Broken Hearts and I have been dealing with Abby's upcoming surgery and preparation for it there. It has a quite a few followers who are heart moms and is not only good for me to write about it but good for others who are in similar situations. I am not ignoring this blog because I don't love all of you but....I really think Abby's story is important to other heart families!! We hope you'll stop by and visit us there!!!

Abby has a Facebook page where I keep updates and information on her surgery and ways you can help support her as well. You can stop by and become a fan there as well!! Abby would love it!!

So, sometime in June I am sure I will be back here...blogging about our crazy yet very normal lives!!! Until then, we hope you come "see" us in our favorite cyber hangouts!!!

The Path of Least Resistance

My mind has been a jumble of thoughts these last few days. This post will undoubtedly be the jumbled ramblings of trying to sort out the lesson God is trying to teach me. I started an exercise routine yet again! I am known for starting and stopping, like many people who need to lose some weight and get in shape. It definitely isn't easy. I'm on week two and taking it slow and easy. I am up to a warm-up, a brisk four minute treadmill walk, a thirteen minute jog, a four minute brisk walk, and a cool down. I don't know that I've ever run thirteen straight minutes before. I know that many of my readers are avid runners, marathoners, and half marathoners so please be kind!

In gym class at school we always had running day where we did nothing but run. But, not one of my best friends and me. No...we would run half way around the soccer field, drop down and roll down the slight hill. We would lay at the bottom of that hill by the fence, talking until the whistle blew that meant "last lap." We would then jog up and finish the terrible running, making one complete lap for the entire twenty minutes of running. And no, we never got caught. So I guess you could say in the race of life, I have a tendency to take the easy road, the path of least resistance, the road well traveled.

Today, we were walking around Weber State's campus, getting things set up for Justin's last semester of school before graduating. Weber's campus is hilly and filled with stairs and ramps. My thighs are stiff and sore from all this running I am not used to. Justin asked me which way I would like to walk back to the car and I immediately answered, "The path of least resistance." That really is human nature, isn't it? To follow the path of least resistance? To take the easy road or the easy way out.

But if we always take the easy way out, what happens when there is no easy way out? We can't even run the race then. We have to give up, sit out, or surrender to the pain. God's plan does not involve giving up though. His plan involves being refined, having trials of our faith, learning to rely upon Him.

My life has not been trial free. I've had my fair share. I've also met people who have had more than I ever thought I could handle. They have walked through the refiner's fire and come out fit for God's kingdom. In my darkest moments and in the thick of adversity, I have learned lessons I could not have learned otherwise. Lessons like, communing with the Lord is different than following the Lord. Like, the Atonement of Christ is powerful enough to wash away my sins but gentle enough to wipe away my tears. Like, God hears and answers prayers. Like, the Comforter fulfills his responsibility flawlessly. Like, hope is a powerful word and a more powerful virtue.

So, although my nature yearns for the path of least resistance, my spirit values my trials. I know that I am aspiring to the company of greater spirits who have gone before me, in the face of horrendous trials and in the pit of despair they have trodden. I will walk in their footsteps and learn that God's plan is to ultimately bring to pass my immortality and Eternal Life if I will let Him.

Today

If I could save time in a bottle,
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save everyday til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you.
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then
Again, I would spend them with you.

(Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce)

Sweetness

Life is filled with curve balls. I'm not a great hitter as it is. When the balls are coming straight at me, head on, just like I think they should, I only hit about 50% of the time. When the curves come up, I am sure to foul it away. Although I can't say I like the curves, I wouldn't trade the lessons I've learned from those curves for anything. Here is Abby, no not trying to act too old, just showing me her 24 hour heart monitor. I try to document everything that has to do with her heart journey, this was no exception. There is that monitor, measuring every beat and every length between each beat. It monitored when her heart was racing from exercise or beating slow and steady during rest. Do I like that Abby has to go through tests like these? Absolutely not! Have I learned volumes because of this trial? Absolutely!
I've learned that life is oh so full of sweetness, just like this. Although I hate seeing her growing up...especially with this oh so teenish phone talking stance...I'm so happy she is growing up. She brings sunshine and happiness to my life and to most who know her. Going through all I have with Abby makes me so thankful that she is here to go through the ups and downs with.
I'm thankful for the daily trials of living, the trials most kids go through, like dental visits to get teeth pulled, braces, feeling left out at school, struggling in math, wanting to go to bed later because "all my friends do"...all these things remind me that I am blessed to be wading through growing up with this sweet girl.
That sweetness has crept into other aspects of my life as well. I'm so thankful for healthy boys. I'm so thankful for this boy's extreme goodness. I couldn't ask for a better "big" brother. His heart is golden and as pure as they come. He has a pure desire to choose good paths in life and follow after our Savior. He is quiet goodness in our family.
His sweetness if contagious, if you take the time to pull it out. Nathan is so quiet and unassuming that you can often miss him. I feel sorry for those who do though. He is a little boy well worth knowing and once you are friends with Nathan, you're friends for life. He doesn't forget and he is loyal.
I'm grateful for his struggles and achievements as well. Being a younger brother to Abby can make his school achievements look little. He doesn't read novels in 1st grade, he didn't know all his letters and numbers and how to write his name when he started school, his favorite subject is "recess." But he works hard. He gets amazing math grades (I know shocking coming from this family), he has worked on his spelling hard all year and his reading has improved immensely. Nathan definitely fills our house with sweetness.
Sweetness????? Yes, even here!!! This is a good spot for this mischief maker. But our lives would be so empty without Gavin in them. This little pistol sweetens up everything. Granted he can make me want to pull my hair out when he steals toys from Ethan, just to see him scream. When he colors on the walls with marker, pees outside in the backyard, disappears in an instant only to have me running around frantic looking for him (in places like church, Disneyland, Target just to name a few)
But THIS face is so worth all of that! His smile is the most amazing smile, ear to ear and stunningly handsome, even when it is filled with mischief. He is filled with boundless energy and boundless love as well. His spontaneous hugs and "I love you's" make me forget about all else.
His funny little personality is sweet, bubbling over and infecting the rest of us with enthusiasm and sweetness!!!
Last but not least...this little guy is filled with sweetness as well. He is a firecracker, complete with a fiery temper. But he is also my best snuggler, my momma's boy (every mom should have at least one momma's baby), and a fun little brother.
Yep, this is sweetness! He is a clown...and if you know Justin...little Ethan is SO MUCH like him. Always teasing, always making others laugh, but always the first one there to offer love when you need it most. He even has this funny little face he makes when he tries not to smile that looks exactly like his daddy's!!!!
SWEETNESS! Look at those eyes, how could I not notice how sweet they are.

Life has definitely thrown me some curves, but I'll take those curves if it means my life is also filled with all this wonderful sweetness. Trials only make me more aware of the goodness that fills my life. Knowing these four amazing little souls, is worth every sleepless night, every headache, every tear of frustration, every anxious moment spent in a hospital or doctor office, every worry over feeling left out at school....so worth it all because all those trials remind me of all I truly have--Sweetness.

Are You a Donor?

Sorry about the video embedding...the don't have one small enough for my column but this is still worth watching!
This month is organ donor awareness month. The video above is such a powerful testimony to the reasons this program is so important. If it isn't enough to convince you...look at the stories below....

www.miraclemason.blogspot.com--little Mason, who only had months left to live if he did not receive a new heart, received the gift of life from a special angel and their family on Easter day!

This is Grace...she was also in heart failure and received a heart transplant on Easter Sunday as well...her family had this to say....

"We are so thankful for the gift of her heart and pray for the
family, wherever they are, who chose to donate. We don't know, nor will we ever know, the child's details, but we do know that they had to travel "a distance" to obtain the heart. Thank you for all of your positive thoughts and prayers. Grace is a special little girl and we are thankful for the gift of a new heart this Easter season - truly remarkable."

Two of the lives touched by organ donation....and thousand and thousands more whose lives aren't as fortunate. I hope you will consider becoming an organ donor if you can.

Finding Easter Treasures

The annual Armstrong/Kay family Easter Egg hunt this year was a grand success.
My little soldier was all business when it came to searching for Easter candy filled eggs.
Ethan loved running around...
with Uncle James and finding eggs to put into his sack.
Gavin came home with a sack full of loot--just what his little teeth DON'T need.
Abby ran around making giant bubbles,,,if you look close you can see the outline in the snow patch of her giant bubble.

These little ones love Easter...and I wish I could show the beauty on their faces which far surpasses these pictures when we talk about the Easter story...The solemnity on even Gavin's face as we talked about Jesus and the resurrection and what it means...the reverence that came as we listened to the beautiful afternoon session of conference when my children were admonished to learn about Jesus and invite Him into their lives.
I love Easter and family and the message of resurrection and hope it brings.
Here's my angel...the blessing in my life that makes me understand the importance of the resurrection and the promise that some day, our bodies will be made whole. Someday, her body will be as perfect as her soul. Happy Easter to my blogging friends!